Dear BIG GREEN GIRL,

my boyfie and i have been together for 5 years now. we live together and are very much "in love." HOWEVER, my cat and I have been together longer, 6 years to be exact. i love her with my whole heart. we cuddle every night and every morning and she runs to me every day when i get home from work.

anyway, as you can imagine, 5 years together has made the honeymoon heat turn to low with my BF. i think that he is jealous of the attention im giving my cat. he always says stuff like "why does she get to sleep in bed with us?" and "do you love her more than me?" sometimes I hear him talking to her alone in a hushed but aggressive tone. i think she is picking up on the vibe bc she always positions herself in between him and I.

i'm worried that my love for my cat is ruining my relationship. but ill never stop loving my cat! what do i do???

sincerely,

Cats Before Zacks

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Dear Cats Before Zacks,

Thank you for your question. As a leading researcher in the field of feline-humane interpersonal parsimony and syngergistic collaborative systems, I believe I will be able to offer you some meaningful insight on your problems.

First of all, I will remind you that it is better to have a boyf feels antagonistically to your cat than a boyf that likes cats a little bit TOO much, if you catch I'm saying..... So this may actually be something to be grateful for (although I would still keep an eye on those conversations between the two of them in hushed tones-- almost 85% of men experiment with beastiality at some point in their lives).

Secondly, I believe familial reunification is possible for you, although it will take a lot of hard work and dedication from all parties. I recommend that you get your cat in therapy immediately. Parental disputes can weigh very heavily on dependents in the household.

I also recommend that you encourage your boyf and cat to have a relationship independent of you. Finding an activity that they both enjoy and can participate in together is a great first step. Often in these kind of situations I have seen the male adult and the feline work collaboratively to establish an underground neighborhood group that participates in physical altercations at regular intervals. Something like that could work for you as well!

Lastly, this is really an issue between your boyfriend and the cat. If these steps fail you, River Des Peres should be pretty full over the next couple of days. I am more than happy to help you "unload" some of your "stress" into the "river", if you cannot resolve this situation peacefully.

Always yours,

Big Green Girl